MINISCULE OF SOUND
the world's smallest nightclub
The Miniscule of Sound opened in Hackney, London, as The World's Smallest Nightclub in August 1998, originally in the changing booth of a disused outdoor swimming pool, London Fields Lido, as a parody of London's super-club the Ministry of Sound.
The music policy allows anything that "ain't too warped or scratched" to be played.
Entrance is generally free, but the doormen may eject anyone at any time, that is if they even see fit to allow entry in the first place.
The club proudly entered Guinness World Records in 2001, and featured on BBC's Record Breakers, but sadly long after Roy Castle and Norris had passed over to the other side. It was also filmed for the World Records website at Chats Palace, close to its original birthplace.
The Miniscule Of Sound is regularly listed as one of the top 10 most unique nightclubs and bars in the world and has frequently featured in print, on TV and across t'internet.
Currently in its third built version, the nano nightclub has a maximum capacity of arond a dozen people including the DJ and the sound system, in an area of 4ft (1.2m) by 8ft (2.4m) with a flashing dance floor of almost a full 2 sq. metres. Capacity though is affected by the average size of ravers present. The record capacity reached was 26, though not all of them could touch the floor at the same time.
In its time the venue management have turned down many a supposed superstar DJ - famously asking Fatboy Slim for a demo tape before considering offering him a slot. Ninja Tune DJs have also been asked to prove their credentials before being allowed to take the decks, notably at their 10th birthday celebrations in London, at which it was the special guest arena.
In Australia the new rebuilt club was 'accidentally' thrown away after its final appearance at Big Day Out Festival in Melbourne. In Beijing the nightclub was again rebuilt in the world famous 798 Art Zone. After several TV, Radio and newspaper reports it popped up several times in Beijing before finding itself banned from setting up in public spaces previously agreed upon by the city's governing powers.
In 2001, representatives of the London super-club Ministry of Sound approached the Miniscule of Sound and applied pressure to force the club to destroy its blatantly plagiarist logo and rename itself to avoid being mistaken for its arch nemesis. However a press campaign orchestrated by Guff PR and supported by DJ Magazine resulted in the abandonment of their heavy handed Cease & Desist order. The parties agreed that the Miniscule of Sound could continue to ply its trade as long as disclaimers on future publicity material clearly identified the tiny nightclub as not being associated with the superclub. Henceforth all publicity has included the text "We're not big, we're not clever and we're not the Ministry of Sound !"
Over the years, there have been a number of Miniscule of Sound imitators opening around the world, claiming either to be the world's smallest nightclub or even claiming to be the Miniscule of Sound itself. From New Zealand's 'The Fridge' to South Africa's 'Not the Miniscule of Sound', and Germany's 'Teledisko' to someone's cupboard under the stairs. Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery they say.
However, in 2011 the Guinness World Record title of being the 'world's smallest portable nightclub' was usurped by the 80's themed club 'Rumours', of Liverpool. Within just a couple of years however, this club appeared to have ceased operation, without a single synthesized bleep emanating from its tinyness. Then again in 2017 the official title was yet again broken by 'Club 28', of Rotherham.
But despite this the Miniscule of Sound remains the original, and the best - No diggity, No doubt.
Now in its umpteenth year of operation, the Miniscule continues to globe trot playing festivals and select events around the world when it's not being stored in the back of a van parked in a service station on the M25. The tiny club now regulary appears in Japan at Fuji Rock Festival in its own very popular Miniscule corner of The Palace Of Wonder area alongside The Mutoid Waste Company and Wrekon.
Although birthdays, weddings and barmitzvahs have all so far been catered for, they are still awaiting a good old fashioned funeral.
Guest D.J's have included Hexstatic, My Bad Sister, Gaz Mayall, The Kenmichaels Brothers, New York's Sim Cass, Miss Pink, Carl Loben, Bedlam, Sci-Fly, The Monkey Stomp Blues, Jims Vinyl Nasium and a whole load of others, including Asian Dub Foundation who had to be forcibly removed from the decks for crimes against sound.
Some notable names spotted 'avin it tiny' in the Miniscule over the years include:
Mick Jones from The Clash, Ian Brown of The Stone Roses, Peaches, The Chemical Brothers, the Sex Pistols' Steve Jones and Glen Matlock, Orbital, filmmaker and radio DJ Don Letts, Asian Dub Foundation, Mike Skinner of The Streets, Lilly Allen, DJ Goldie, Macy Gray, all of The Sikh Warriors Of Goja, the idiot known as Boris Johnson, and hoards of others. Many have also been snubbed and rejected by the bouncers who didn't know who they were, much to the disbelief and disappoinment from celeb quarters, but giggles & cheers from the rest of the waiting line - all have had to queue up like anyone else of course!
Some guy from Flogging Molly remains one of the few people to genuinely use the phrase, "Donʼt you know who I am? This pass says I can go anywhere!", only to find his AAA pass means nothing in the mini world of the Miniscule.
...and let's not forget the time that Boris Johnson had to be thrown out for sweaty loitering...